Oliver Randomized
by Girlbubble7991
Summary: Oliver tries to lead a revolution   Dodger sings it for the world  Fagin defies gravity  or tries to   The gang Panic! t the disco, Charley bit my finger  And much more!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: HI LOW PEOPLE THIS IS THE PRODUCT OF TWO FANFICERS GETTING WAY WAY WAY TO HYPER! namely Girlbubble7991 and InTheLoft WE BEGIN, AND WE OWN NOTHING MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

Act 1 Scene 1

RandomChild: Is it worth the waiting for, if we live til eighty four, all we eve get is gru-el!

Oliver: SILENCE PEASANT!

RC1: Hey! we're hungry can't we lift our low spirits with song?

Oliver: NAY! UNLESS I am the one singing *evil grin*

RC2: That doesn't seem very fair

Oliver: SILENCE PEASANT!

RC2: ok whateves *grabs ipod and starts bobbing head to music*

Oliver: How can you listen to music when there are people out there starving?

RC1: There are people in _here_starving!

Oliver: I've said it once and I'll say it again. SILENCE PEASANT.

RC3: Actually, you've said it twice

Oliver: SILENCE PEASANT!

**LATER AT THE TABLE, ORPHANS ARE SITTING TALKING WEARING RAGS, OLIVER IS WEARING A RED VEST.**

RC3: Where did you get that vest

Oliver: That is for me to know and for you too wonder about until it drives you insane

RC2: ...Can I have one

Oliver: NO! ONLY I MAY DON THE VEST OF AWESOMENESS!

RC1: Anywaaaaay... we were discussing who should ask for more food

RC2: *to Oliver* You should, do it, you wear the vest of awesomeness after all.

Oliver: I have a better idea

RCs: Uh oh...

Oliver: I SHALL LAUNCH THE REVOLUTION! VIVE LE REPUBLIQUE! *Stands on table* DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING!

RC1: NO! you wouldn't let us!

Oliver: SILENCE PEASANT! SINGING THE SONG OF ANGRY - KIDS- IT IS THE MUSIC OF A PEOPLE WHO WILL NOT EAT GRULE AGAIN, WHEN THE BEATING OF YOUR HEART ECOS THE BEATING OF THE DRUMS, THERE IS A LIFE ABOUT TO START WHEN TOMORROW COMES.

Mr. Bumble: *enters* THERE WILL BE NO ETHNIC MOVEMENT!

Oliver: No! The man is bringing us down! PEOPLES! A beat, if you would

RCs: *start beat*

Oliver: HUMPTY DUMPTY. SAT ON A WALL. HE FELL DOWN. WHO PUSHED HIM? IT WAS THE GOVERNMENT! *growls, and jumps out of the window* OLIVER AWAY, RED VEST, TO LONDON!

RC1: THE TIRINY OF OLIVER IS OVER!

Mr. Bumble: LET THEM EAT CAKE! *Cake appears on table, harry potter style*

RC2: We had cake all this time and no one told me.

Mr.B: You know that Oliver would have hogged it all if he knew.

OliversVoice: I heard that!

Mr.B: DARNNABBIT!

**A/N WELL THAT'S THAT FOR ACT 1 SCENE 1 WE HOPE YE ENJOYED IT! It would be awfully nice if you reviewed it *blink blink halo halo* **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N And we're back with more insanity, and DODGER! Sorry. As usual we own nothing except the plot... Wait, there's a plot? Yes. On with the show!**

Act 1, Scene 2

**OLIVER WALKS AROUND LONDON. EVENTUALLY HE SITS DOWN.**

Oliver: I am tired of walking.

**DODGER AND CHARLEY cross the road.**

Charley: Why are you tired of walking? Walking make you healthy, and decreases your carbon footprint.

Oliver: What's a carbon footprint?

Charley: Never you mind.

Dodger: And don't forget to eat your greens!

Oliver: I barely eat my pinks. And who are you two anyway?

Charley: We are important to the plot!

Dodger: I am Jack Dawkins, known to me more intimate friends as the Artful Dodger.

Oliver: So have you walked over here for a reason, or are you STALKERS?

Charley: We came to offer you something. What did we come to offer you again?

Dodger: Gah! We came to offer you a position in Fagin's gang.

Oliver; What's Fagin gang? Do you launch revolutions?

Charley: No... But we sing!

Oliver: What do you sing about? Revolutions?

Dodger: We sing it for the world!

*singing* Sing it out, boy you've got to see what tomorrow brings

Charley: Sing it out, boy you got to be what tomorrow needs

Both:*yank Oliver up* For every time, that they want to count you out, And you use your voice every single time you open up your mouth

Dodger: Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls. Every time that you lose it sing it for the world

Charley: Sing it from the heart. Sing it till you're nuts. Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts!

Oliver: No one hates my guts...

Dodger: Sing it for the deaf. Sing it for the blind. Sing about everyone that you left behind

Both: Sing it for the world, sing it for the world!

Charley: Sing it out Boy they're gonna sell what tomorrow means

Dodger: Sing it out. Boy before they kill what tomorrow brings

Both: You've got to, make a choice if the music drowns you out. Raise your voice every single time they try and shut your mouth

Charley: Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls. Every time that you lose it sing it for the world

Dodger: Sing it from the heart,Sing it till you're it out for the ones that'll hate your guts!

Oliver: NO ONE HATES MY GUTS!

Charley: Sing it for the deaf. Sing it for the blind. Sing about everyone that you left behind

Both: Sing it for the world, sing it for the world

Background people in the street: Cleaned-up, corporation progress. Dying in the process .Children that can talk about it. Living on the railsways . People moving sideways

Sell it till your last days. Buy yourself the motivation. Generation nothing, .Nothing but a dead scene. Product of a white dream.I am not the singer that you wanted, but a dancer

I refuse to answer, talk about the past, sir. Wrote it for the ones that want to get away.

Authors: *apper in a puff of smoke* Keep running *vanish in a puff of smoke*

Oliver:... what the-

All: Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls Every time that you lose it sing it for the world Sing it from the heart. Sing it till you're nuts. Singing out for the ones that'll hate your guts. Sing it for the deaf. Sing it for the blind. Sing about everyone that you left behind. Sing it for the world, sing it for the world. You've got to see what tomorrow brings. Sing it for the world. Sing it for the world. Girl, you've got to be what tomorrow needs. Sing it for the world. Sing it for the world! *go about their daily business*

Oliver: wasn't that an overly complicated way of taking me here?

Charley: Why yes. Yes it was.

**They knock on the door to the loft.**

Voice: Pass word and secret sign!

Dodger+Charley: *do nerdfighter symbol (look it up)* DFTBA!

Oliver: whats the point of a secret symbol, he can't see you

Charley: SILENCE PEASANT!

Oliver: Now I know. How it feels... *weeps*

**Door opens and our heros step in. They see a high backed swivel chair. It swings round to reveal Fagin, stroking a fluffy cat.**

Fagin: Welcome, children. We have been expecting you, haven't we, Mister Wiggles?

Oliver: ...what crazy mixed up world have I flown into?

Gang: THIS ONE!

Oliver: ... What sort of gang is this, anyway?

Fagin: Well... You see...*singing* I remember the way my sainted mother Would sit and croon us her lullaby She'd say, son, there's a place That's like no other You got to get there before you die

Dodger: You don't get there by playing from the rule book

Fagin: You stack the aces

Dodger: You load the dice

Fagin: Mother dear. Oh, I know you're down there listening, how can I follow your sweet Advice to...

Gang: Easy street! Easy street! Where you sleep till noon

Fagin: Yeah, yeah, yeah

Fagin+ Gang: She'd repeat Easy street Better get there soon. Easy street. Easy street

Where the rich folks play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Move them feet

Fagin: Move them ever-lovin' feet

Dodger+Charley: To easy street!

Fagin: Easy street

Dodger+ Charley: When you get there stay

Gang: It ain't fair How we scrounge For three of four pounds, though While he gets Brownlow

Fagin: The little brat!

Oliver: 1, Who's Brownlow and 2, I hope I'm not a little brat

Fain: It ain't fair this here life Is drivin' me nuts! While we get gin he's livin' fat!

Charley: Maybe he holds the key, that little baby

Oliver: I am not a baby

Fagin: To gettin' more pounds

Dodger: Instead of less maybe we fix the game with something shady.

Oliver: Wait I thought you were nice?

Dodger: Oh, tell him.

Oliver: wait tell me what

Gang: We're going to!

Fagin+ Gang:Easy street! Easy street! Ollie is the key Yes sirree! Yes sirree! Yes sirree !Easy stree t!Easy street! That's where we're gonna...be!

Oliver:... well that clears that up then. So... Are you guys... What are you guys?

Fagin: We are...

Charley: Pioneers...

Dodger: Yeah, pioneers of... Money making!

Fagin: Without paying taxes!

Oliver: So you work for the government?

Fagin: Not exactly...

Authors: *appear* Oh for the sake that is all good and evil in this forsaken universe!

Author1: They're thieves Oliver.

Author2: Let that sink it, and while it does we will end the scene.

_Curtain falls_

OliversVoice: WHAT?

**A/N: HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS AND DIED OF LAUGHING ok no we don't hope you die... some one might sue us if you died. ANYWAY REVEIW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N YO WHAT BE UP PEEPSETH! today is a day of the next chapter of Oliver! , THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS, SERIES! WE SADDLY OWN NOTHING EXEPT THE VERY WEIRD PLOT!**

Act 1 Scene 3

Oliver: WHAT?

Authors: They're thieves, get over it. The world is still round.

Charley: WAIT! The world is round?

All: YES CHARLEY!

Authors: Yes. and the sky is still blu- No wait it's black, with thunder and lighting.

Dodger: *darkly* that can only mean one thing.

Voice from the roof: BILL SIKES IS COMING!

Authors: *snap fingers and point to charley* HIT THE MUSIC CHARLEY!

Charley: * grabs stereo and presses button music starts to play*

Authors: *Grab Microphones* Calling all the monsters, calling all the monsters, calling all the, calling all the, calling all the monsters

Gang: oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Bill: *bursts through the door with a bang as thunder and lighting happens* oh god you two are here again. I. Am. Not. Dancing.

Authors: Heart thumps and you jump, coming down with goose-bumps, you dare too go there? Ima-Ima get you so scared

Gang: We're wanting too, we're haunting you, we're wanting to eh, eh

Oliver: what the flip!

Authors: You stayed in to late, to be getting afraid, this scene extreme I-I-Ima get you so scared

Gang: We're wanting too, we're haunting you, we're wanting to eh, eh

Authors: Gonna get your body shaking, wishin' you could just awaken.

Charley: Here we go!

**Disco lights and smoke machines begin.**

Authors: Tonight all the monster gonna dance! we're coming to get ya! *point at Bill*

Bill: *rolls eyes*

Authors: Tonight all the monster gonna dance! we're coming to get ya! If you're only dreamin' why, I , hear you screamin'

Oliver: *screams*

Authors: tonight all the monsters gonna dance, we're coming to get ya.

Gang: Calling all the monsters, calling all the monsters, calling all the, calling all the, calling all the monsters!

Authors: You hide or you try, kiss tomorrow good bye, we thrill to your chill, b-b-bucking for a freakout

Oliver: well I'm freaked out *hides behind, swivel chair*

Gang: We're wanting too, we're haunting you, we're wanting to eh, eh

Authors: We might just bite *bite. in the direction of Oliver*

Oliver: MEEP!

Authors: *sneak up behind Oliver* Underneath the moon light *shine torches on him*

Oliver: *squeaks and runs away*

Authors: More fun is you run, I-I-I-Ima Ima Already chasin'

Gang: We're wanting too, we're haunting you, we're wanting to eh, eh

Authors: Gonna get your body shakin' wishin' you could just awaken

Dodger: Here we go

Authors: Tonight all the monster gonna dance! we're coming to get ya! *point at Oliver*

Oliver: *squeaks*

Authors: Tonight all the monster gonna dance! we're coming to get ya! If you're only dreamin' why, I, hear you screamin'

Oliver: *screams*

Authors: tonight all the monsters gonna dance, we're coming to get ya.

Gang: Calling all the monsters, calling all the monsters, calling all the, calling all the, calling all the monsters!

Authors: Gonna paint it red, get inside your head, head, head

Oliver: *grabs head* nuuuu...

Authors: Like a demon choir, playing with fire, fire, fire

Fagin: *in weird low voice* Gonna get your body shakin' wishin' you could just awaken.

**Strobe lights are added as music gets louder, confetti canons are set off, black and red streamers fall, **

Oliver: *looks very confused and terrified*

Authors+ gang: Tonight all the monster gonna dance! we're coming to get ya! *point at Bill*

Bill: NOT GOING TO!

Authors+ Gang: Tonight all the monster gonna dance! we're coming to get ya! If you're only dreamin' why, I , hear you screamin'

Oliver: *screams*

Authors+Gang: tonight all the monsters gonna dance, we're coming to get ya.

Authors: Oh ye-ea oh, oh ye-ea oh, we're comin' to get ya *pose*

Bill:... I'm still not gonna dance.

Authors: dance or we shall call the great, terrifying and all powerful-

Oliver: *hopefully* me?

Authors: no!

Oliver: oh...

Authors: NICO DE ANGLEO!

BilL: what the hell is a Nico de angelo?

Author1: The! Nico de Angelo

Author2: he's a person.

Authors: See *snap fingers*

Nico: *appers* what do you want this time?

Bill: Oooo scary, twelve year old kid (!)

Authors: *point at bill accusingly* HE WON'T DANCE

Nico: *Draws sword and points at Bill* dance.

**Before Bill can dance, there is a loud crash**

Authors: uh oh

Author1: I think

Author2: we may have

Author1: broken

Author2: the

Authors: Space time continuum

Grover: *i.e. a satyr, runs past yelling* IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!

Oliver: did a goat boy just run past?

Authors: HE'S A SATYR!

Percy Jackson: *runs past* no grover it's not!

Luke/Kronos: *runs past* I'LL GET YOU PERCY JACKSON!

Annabeth: *runs past* NO LUKE YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS!

Thalia: *runs past* ANNABETH HE'S GONE!

Apollo: *runs past jumps yelling* I'M AWESOME! *runs off*

Authors: yeh we need to go fix that, come on Nico *frog march Nico off*

Oliver: ...

Nancy: *enters* Did I hear the space time continuum break

Authors distant voices: IT WAS BILL SIKES!

Nancy: *accusingly* Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill

Bill: but!

Nancy: not buts young man

Bill: But Nancyyyyyyyyy

Nancy: NO! you are grounded *drags him out by the ear*

Bill's voice: I'll get you authooooooooooooors!

Fagin: Okay, kiddywinks, it's time for sleepy-byes.

Oliver: THE WEARER OF THE GREAT RED VEST NEVER SLEEPS! *yawn*

Fagin: I will call in the big guns.

Dodger: No!

Charley: Not the big guns!

Oliver: BIG GUNS TO FREE THE ENSLAVED!

Fagin: LOOK just go to bed.

Oliver: SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK! *singing* It feels like we been living in fast-forward ,Another moment passing by, The party's ending but it's now or never, Nobody's going home tonight Katy Perry's on replay,-

Fagin: 1: who or what is Katy Perry, and 2: How does one live in 'Fast forward'?

Oliver: MAN! You're just a square!

Fagin: A SQUARE HOW DARE YOU! I AM THE MOST SPHERICAL CREATURE ON THIS EARTH! DOGER, KNOCK HIM OUT!

Dodger: *knocks Oliver out and drags him to bed*

Fagin: *watches as the gang put themselves to be, and fall asleep, then scurries over to his secret lair-inside-the-lair and gets out a box, opens the box* I am so good with children.

**A/N WEEEEELL THAT WAS FUN! IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND A LITTLE BIT MORE FROM NICOS ENTRY TO APOLLO, YOU SHOULD READ PERCY JACKSON! or PM one of us, we would be happy to reply, as long as you have read the series, or aren't going to, or don't care about spoilers. SEE YE LATER! *cough* review *cough* **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: YO WHAT UP PEEPS. Wotcher XD sorry bout her (she thinks she's Tonks, go figure) SO WELCOME BACK TO THE RANDOMNESS THAT IS OLIVER RANDOMIZED!**

Act 1 Scene 4

Oliver: *sits up* I have awakened from my cruel concussion. *looks round* What the - ?

Fagin: *sitting in the centre of the room surrounded by jewels* FLY MY PRETTIES, FLY! *throws the jewels in the air, they stay there, and he leaps onto the table, and begins to sing* Something has changed within me Something is not the same I'm through with playing by the rules Of someone else's game Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts Close my eyes: and leap! *Jumps off table and hovers* It's time to try Defying gravity I think I'll try Defying gravity And you can't pull me down!

Jewels: *begin to form into some sort of shape, that is for the moment undiscernable*

Fagin: *still singing* I'm through accepting limits ''cause someone says they're so Some things I cannot change But till I try, I'll never know! Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost!

Jewels: *form into the shape of a woman (we know just go with it) and she holds her hands out to Fagin who takes them and they spin in mid air*

Fagin: *still singing* I'd sooner buy Defying gravity Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity And you can't pull me down.

***Fagin and Jewel continue their dancey thingy, and Oliver turns to shake Dodger***

Oliver: Dodger! Dodger!

Dodger: **asleep **No Ron - no, don't believe the locket. Hermione loves you not Harry.

Oliver: *shakes Dodger* Dodger!

Dodger: *wakes up* What? Hey Oliver, I just had this really amazing dream. It would make a great series of seven books and eight movies.

Oliver: No, shut up.

Dodger; But what if it became really popular? I could make a lot of money out of it.

Oliver: Wait.

Dodger: So I suppose you want me to wait for some Scottish woman to write it in two centuries do you?

Oliver: That would be good. Now look! *turns Dodger round to see Fagin*

Dodger: Bloody hell... Charley! wake up

Charley: I am awake

Dodger: well look Fagin is dancing with a woman made out of jewels... and they're floating!

Charley: that happens ever night.. You can see it too?

Dodger: YES!

Charley: *stares blankly into the middle distance* Sometime I find it hard to distinguish between my coffee induced dreams and reality. Sometimes I think I want to laugh, but when I laugh the monsters come. They want me to kill you, Dodge.

Dodger: ... I want to swap beds...*looks at Oliver*

Oliver: no way hose, I've been all sad in the work house and you've had a good life!

Dodger: I'm 15 years old!

Oliver: I said good not long.

Charley: well since you can see them now, shhhh!

Jewels: I hope you're happy, despite this curse between us

Fagin: *spoken* I miss you.

Both: *singing* I hope we find a cure, I really hope we end it, and we don't find tricks within it! I hope you're happy in the end! I hope you're happy, my friend

Fagin: So if you care to find me! Look to the western sky! As someone told me lately:

Jewels: Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!

Fagin: And if I'm flying solo! At least I'm flying free To those who'd ground me! *jerks thumb behind him at the boys* Take a message back from me! Tell them how I am defying gravity! I'm flying high defying gravity! And soon I'll match them in renown! And nobody in all of the loft, no alien that there is or was!

Authors: Oooh foreshadowing!

Fagin: Sssh! It's time for the finale!

*Flashing lights and a band appear*

Jewel: *fading away* I hope you're happy!

Boys: Look at him, he's crazy! Get him!

Fagin: Bring me down!

Charley: No one mourns the crazy!

Boys: So we've got to bring him... Down!

Fagin: Aaaah-aaaah-aah-aah! *bows as flowers shower him*

Doger: ...WHAT THE FLIPPPIN' HELL!

Fagin: *falls to the ground as the jewel person turns back into jewels which fall around him* NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEE!

Authors: awwww :(

Fagin: *sits up* Well I suppose it's time I told you the story of my YOUTH.

Dodger: Nah, I'm okay, I want sleep.

Fagin: You will listen to my story, or no cake.

Dodger: We have cake?

Fagin: You'll never find out if you don't listen.

Charley: Cake is one of the few things that makes me happy, and frees me from the torment of my soul. I'm not even sure if it's real, but it helps.

Dodger: ... Maybe you should lay off the coffee for a bit mate.

Fagin: LISTEN TO MEEEEE! Now. When I was a boy, an orphan boy, I was what you younglings might term a... superhero.

Oliver: ZOMG!

Fagin: ZOMG indeed. I had a young sweetheart. She was my Lois Lane, except she was not called Lois, and she didn't have black hair, and she didn't work for a newspaper, and she knew who I was. She was called Jewel, and she had red hair, and she worked for a thief, and she knew who I was... As I just said... Yes. We both had powers beyond that of the normal man -

Oliver: What about the normal kid?

Fagin: Ssh! and we used them to battle evil -

Dodger: And then you became a thief? Great logic. Interesting career change there. Batman would never do that.

Authors: *facepalm* Uh oh.

Fagin: SILENCE! We had an arch nemesis, her name was Nan-C

Doger: Nan-C? Like Nancy-

Fagin: SHH Dodger!

Gang (other than Dodger): What on earth could that name mean?

Dodger: well I thin-

Fagin: SHH! We tried everything to decode it but we got now where. Then again she was a giant green alien.

Dodger: oh... then my idea is wrong.

Fagin: OF COURSE IT IS! If the greatest mind of our time couldn't work it out, how could you.

Dodger: I sincerely hope you mean Jewel or you're as crazy as Charley

Fagin: One day Nan-C used her alien powers to turn my beloved Jewel into jewels. It was great irony -

Dodger: I'd call it more obvious.

Fagin: Why must you destroy my life?

Dodger: _What?_

Fagin: Fine, mock my life. I grieved for many a year, and I got older.

Oliver: Well duh.

Fagin: Nan-C had been greatly weakened by the evil she had done to my Jewel, and although she had drained my powers, she could not use them. I regained my use of them every full moon -

Charley: Werewolves haunt my dreams

Fagin: And my Jewel regained a vaguely human form. *sighs* And that is my story lads.

Dodger: *stage whisper* I told you he was crazy.

Fagin: SILENCE. You saw it with your own eyes. I flew with a person made of jewels.

Charley: I believe in fairies.

All: ...

Authors: WE DO TOO!

Dodger: but we know you two are crazy.

Author2: Is that anyway to address your wife?

Dodger: We're not married.

Author2: That's what you think.

Dodger: *steps behind Charley*

Fagin: Weeeell now that that's over, OLIVER! go with Dodger to your first job, because morning has arrived early this year.

Oliver: NUUU I'M MELTING!

Dodger: Sure you are, kid, sure you are.

_Curtains fall_

Billsvoice: I'm still here you know

**A/N: well as you may have noticed we have completely abandoned the theme of sanity, and the story line of the original book, but we will try to get it back at... some stage.**

**We have a competition! Any of you people (if there are any people...) know about Team Starkid? If you do, can you spot the AVPM reference in this chapter? Prizes involve Fagin's virtual cake.**

**Reviews will also be rewarded with virtual cake.**

**Just saying.**

**And lets not forget, you don't want the button to hate you do you... if you don't click, it will. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: HELLO WORLD WE'RE BACK WITH MORE INSANITY! so read, if you dare :) **

Oliver: So, chums, how does one pick a pocket?

Dodger: We don't yell about it for one thing.

Oliver: SO much to learn.

Charley: I will tell you Oliver.

Oliver; Er... I'm kinda scared of you actually.

Charley: Oh don't worry. I'm your average, endearing kid in the daytime. It's only when the sun sets that... My dark side comes out

Dodger: is your dark side a symbiote that will eventually bond to someone els who shall become your arch nemesis.

Authors: STOP WITH THE COMICS!

Dodger: YOU TWO JUST DON'T GET COMICS!

Author1: HOW DARE YOU! I CHALLENGE YE TO A DUEL!

Author2: No! Don't challenge him to a duel!

Author1: Grrrr... Fine.

Oliver: Aren't we supposed to be, like, stealing, like, stuff?

Charley: I prefer the term LIBERATING

Dodger: From what? The oppressions of people's pockets?

Charley: Don't ruin my cool Dodge. Don't do it.

Oliver: You guys are not good teachers.

Charley: NO! JIMMY PROTESTED!

Random Dude called Jimmy: No I didn't.

Charley: shut up Jimmy.

Dodger: Okay Oliver, let's learn by doing.

Oliver: You know that -

Dodger: Shut up.

Oliver: But -

Dodger: SILENCE PEASANT!

Oliver: Noooo that's mine! That's mine, it's mine it's mine! I kill you! I kill you now!

Charley: Hey! That's _my _shtick.

Dodger: OLIVER. Go learn.

Oliver: Okay! *skips off*

Dodger: *darkly* That boy shall be a tyrant, Charley, a tyrant. Mark my words...

Charley: and I thought I was crazy...

**The camera pans to Oliver looking sneaky**

Mr Brownlow: Sneaky boy looking sneaky sneakily over there.

Oliver: OH NOES! He has discovered it!

Mr Brownlow: Come child, and thou shalt be adopted into the wings of Brownlow.

Oliver: Er... Who's Brownlow?

Mr Brownlow: I be he.

Oliver: Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?

Mr Brownlow: Look do you want to live in my giant awesome house of epicness or not.

Oliver: Yes I would.

Mr Brownlow: THEN COME CHILD AWAY! *Swishes cloak and walks off with Olive following* That's a very fine vest by the way young man

Oliver: I know right no one els gets my style, they're all bout, top hats, and big green coats and magical flying jewels.

Mr Brownlow: Well some peop- wait what?

Oliver: It's better not to ask sir.

Mr Brownlow: Alright then. WE AWAY!

**Meanwhile...**

Dodger: No Charley, the answer to life is not forty two, you idiot.

Charley: But I read it was!

Dodger: You read?

Charley: I have many hidden talents

Dodger: ... Shut up.

Charley: Obviously coming up with brilliant new retorts isn't one of yours.

Dodger: Shut - Never mind.

Authors: Oooooh burrrrrn.

Dodger: Don't you have someone else to annoy?

Author1: Nope.

Author2: We're all yours.

Author1: Isn't it lovely?

Charley: No.

**Dodger looks around**

Dodger: Hey - wait a second - Oliver's being led away by a suave man in a fashionable cloak

Charley: QUICK! TO THE AWESOMEMOBILE!

**Meanwhile**

Mr Brownlow: This is my house. It is on Mount Brownlow, named after my cat. It has twenty three and a half swimming pools, a library, a disco, a giant cinematic experience, several X-Boxes with every game in the world -

Authors; Oh dear Lord.

Mr Brownlow: Who are you?

Authors; Never mind us.

Mr Brownlow: ... Okay. A spa, a museum of ducks -

Oliver: I think I'm going to like it here.

Author2: *headdesk*

Author1: We sense a song coming on!

Mr. Brownlow: Thor, will pick out all your clothes

Thor (And yes we mean god of thunder): [spoken] Green is his best color, no blue I THINK!

Mr Brownlow: Your bath is drawn by Zeus

Zeus:[spoken] Soap...no, bubbles, I SAY!

Mr Brownlow: Horus comes in to make your bed.

Horus: [spoken] The silk, no the satin sheets, I COMAND!.

Oliver: [spoken] erm whats with all the yelly people

Mr Brownlow: Don't ruin the song dude.

Oliver: OK. [singing] I think I'm gonna like it here!

Mr Brownlow: The swimming pool is to the left

Oliver: [spoken] Inside the house? Oh boy.

Mr Brownlow: The tennis court is in the rear

Oliver: [spoken] I never even picked up a racket.

Mr Brownlow:

Have an instructor here at noon

[spoken] Oh, and get that Don Budge fellow if he's available.

Oliver:

I think I'm gonna like it here.

Mr Brownlow:

When you've wokeied Ring for Loki

Oliver: Wokeied?

Mr Brownlow: It needed to ryhme now stop interupting.

Loki will bring your tray

When you've Swallowed Apollo

Comes and takes it away.

Oliver: Don't I know you?

Apollo:... BYE *Vanishes*

Mr B. And gods:No need to pick up any toys

Oliver: [spoken] Thanks guys reminde me I don't have any toys. *pouts*

Mr B: No finger will you lift my dear

Gods: We have but one request

Please put us to the test

Oliver: Excellent... I know I'm gonna like it here

Used to room in a tomb

Where i'd sit and freeze

Get me now, holy cow

Could someone pinch me please.

Loki: *pinches*

Mr B: *spoken* He didn't mean it.

[Singing] We've never had a little boy

Gods: We've never had a little boy

Mr B and Gods: We hope you understand Your wish is our command

Oliver: I know I'm gonna like it here

Gods: Welcome

**Meanwhile in the loft**

Author 2: yes?

Author 1: not you, actually IN the actual Loft

Author 2: ahhhh ok

**Right... so ... in the loft. **

Dodger+Charley: *burst in* FAGIN FAGIN THERE'S BEEN AN EMERGANCEY!

Fagin: I knew this day would come. THE CRABS HAVE RISEN UP TO TAKE THIER VENGANCE!

Dodger:... erm no... olivers been kidnapped

Fagin: Oh good... WAIT WHAT?

Charley: By a suave man in a fashionable cloak.

Fagin: YOU MUST SAVE HIM!

Dodger: Why don't you do it.

Fagin: Because I'm an old man and past my prime... Plus tecnicaly I own you

Charley: What...?

Fagin: You signed yourself away to me. Remember the papers I gave you when you first came.

Charley: I can't read! Unfair! Actually I can't write either. I think I just drew a smiley face. You own me not.

Fagin: In the eyes of the law, child, your name is Smiley Face. Why do you think I called you that for the first few months you lived here?

Charley: Because of my permanently happy demeanor hiding my true, dark nature behind a grinning face?

Fagin: No, that's just stupid.

Charley: You take my torment as idiotic? I CHALLENGE YE TO A DUEL!

Dodger: No-o-o-o!

Author2: Awww look at Dodger keeping the peace.

Author1: He is truly a future savior of the earth

Fagin: OI that's my job

Author: yeh but you old and past your prime remeber.

Fagin: Aw well anyway I knew he took after his father more than his mother.

Dodger:.. wait.. WHAT!

Fagin: Er-erm.. JUST GO SAVE TE SMALL VEST OBSESSED BOY AWAY WITH YOU!

**Suddenly the lost is shaken by some unearthly force.**

Charley: THE DEMONS HAVE COME FOR ME!* hides under dodgers hat*

Fagin :NO YOU FOOL! But- No It can't be

Authors: but it is

Dodger: what? THE CRABS?

Fagin: Don't be stupid son- I mean boy- I mean, you know what I mean, you're stupid. It's... NAN-C

Dodger: what's wrong with Nancy

Fagin: NO YOU FOOL NAN-C! LIKE I SAID BEFORE!

**The screen fads on everyone looking shockedly up wards at nothing in particular, including charley peeking out from under dodgers hat**

**A/N: SO WHAT DID YOU THINK? btw we have no idea why Mr bs house is staffed by gods, it just is so yeh CLIFF HANGER WOOOOOOOOO! see ya, remember every time you click the button smiles. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: HI PEEPS WE'RE BACK WITH THE EXCITING NEXT BIT! P.S: WE OWN NOTHING EXCEPT A SCARF CALLED ELIJAH...**

charley: *climbs out from under dodger's hat* Wait so that giant green alien you mentioned before turns out to be an important plot point? WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED!

Author: we certainly didn't *shifty eyes*

Fagin: I'll yell at you two later right now, we are on the verge of war

Dodger:... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight well we're gonna go... erm...

Fagin: GO FIND THE VEST BOY I SHALL BATTLE THE BEAST!

Dodger: Yeh that come on charley *grabs charely and pull him off, the rest of the unnamed gang follow*

Fagin: HEY YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT YOU COULDN'T LEAVE ME AND THEN FIGHT BY MY SIDE, this is just like kids, always busy, break dancing and wearing bellbottoms and playing the donkey kongs *sigh*

**WE DRAMATICALLY CUT AWAY TO OLIVER HAVING DINNER ON MOUNT BROWNLOW WITH MR. BROWNLOW, HIS CAT - BROWNLOW - AND THE GODS SERVING THEM FOOD.**

Brounlow: How are you liking the food young one?

Oliver: Muchly kind sir, I hope no dramtic mis understanding happens to prevent me from finnishing it and forcing me to leave

**The gang burst in**

Charley: OLIVER! we are here to save you!

Oliver:... well... that's ironic

Dodger: *jumps onto table* I AM DODGER I SPEAK FOR THE TREES!

all: wait... what!

Dodger: OOPS *takes out list and reads* ahhh save oliver, then preach to the once-ler

Author 1: ONCIEEE!

Author 2: Come on now child, let's go take those pills. *drags her out*

Author 1: *voice* NUUUUUUU I must know where oncie is :'(

Oliver: Er... Is there a point in you guys coming here or...?

Charley: YES WE HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU! GANG-STYLE! CUE EPIC SONG NUMBER!

Gang: *singing* Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman

From that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed

I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it

Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman

From that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed

I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it

Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Dodger:When you're in black slacks with accentuating

Off-white, pinstripes, woah-oh

Everything goes according to plan

I'm the new cancer

Never looked better, you can't stand it

Because you say so under your breath

Your reading lips, "When did he get all confident?"

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?

Never looked better and you can't stand it

Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain and

I bet you just can't keep up with, with these fashionistas and

Tonight, tonight, you are, you are a whispering campaign

I bet to them, your name is "Cheap"

I bet to them you look like sh

Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears

And keep telling yourself that,

Charley: *skids on knees*"I'm a diva"!

Dodger: *shoves him off table* Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box

On the table, they just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin

Brownlow: *looks at cigaret and throws it across the room*

Doger:I'm the new cancer

Never looked better, you can't stand it

Because you say so under your breath

You're reading lips, "When did he get all confident?"

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?

Never looked better and you can't stand it

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?

I've never looked better and you can't stand it

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?

I've never looked better and you can't stand it

And I know and I know, it just doesn't feel like

A night out with no one sizing you up

I've never been so surreptitious

So, of course, I'll be distracted when I spike the punch

And I know and I know, it just doesn't feel like

A night out with no one sizing you up

I've never been so surreptitious

So, of course, I'll be distracted when I spike the punch

And I know and I know, it just doesn't feel like

A night out with no one sizing you up

I've never been so surreptitious

So, of course, I'll be distracted when I

whole gang(including charley from the floor): SPIKE THE PUNCH! *pose*

Apollo+Hathor (a.k.a. the egyptian goddess of music ((yeh I'm a geek)): *applaud* BRAVO SIRS, BRAVO!

Gang: *bow* ANYWAY! *grab oliver and run out throw a whole in the wall where the door was before they burst in*

Brownlow: !

**A/N: SOOO that's what happened today (we just went to see the lorax, can you tell?) Es tres buen! SO SEE YA LATES WHEN THE EXCITING TALE OF TOTTAL RANDOM NESS CONTINUES!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: HI PEEPS WHAT'S UP? YOU CAN'T ANSWER SO... yeh... last time we had completly abandoned the plot of oliver... or anything really. So now we return to the epic and eternal feud of Fagin vs. Alien. **

***Meanwhile with Fagin and Nan-C, It is raining, they are batteling cause nan-c has tentacles and Fagin has a sword... also Jewel is there and she's throwing jewels at Nan-C***

Fagin: *does a perfect pirouette in mid air while fighting*

Jewel: WHY!

Fagin: SHOWMANSHIP MY LOVE! SHOWMAN SHIP!

Jewel: IT WAS SHOWMAN SHIP THAT GOT YO THAT SCAR! *points to a lightening shaped scar on his forehead*

Fagin: YEH BUT SINCE WHEN DOES LIGHTENING STRIKE THAT SAME GUY TWICE?!*random bolt of lightening comes down and strike him in the arm causing another lightening shaped scar* Well that showed me.

Jewel: Anyway... YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT US NAN-C

Nan-c: YES I WILL AND DO YA KNOW WHYYY?!

Gang: *burst in frog marching Oliver*

Charley: wow... what happened here.

Dodger: I should have known that something was wrong from the moment that I saw that dramatic rain cloud floating over the loft.

Fagin: yeh well we were in the middle of a dramtic fight scene, ANYWAY have I introduced you kids to my one true love Jewel

Charley: well... we saw here at night once but then she vanished.. and then you told ua about her, and th-

Dodger: Enough Charley. WE HAVE SAVED THE VEST BOY FROM THE EVIL CLUTCHES OF THE SUAVE MAN IN A FASHIONABLE CLOAT! *throws Oliver on the ground*

Oliver: ow.

Nan-c: ERM HELLO! BIG GREEN ALIEN!

Dodger: Well you think highly of your self don't ya, we've seen a lot weirder than you, like you people in weird cloths that appear out of nowhere

Authors: *appear* you called?

Dodger: NO!

Authors: *sad face* Oh... ok *walk off all sad and stuff*

Dodger: What is this- feeling- it's like I -I regret making people feel bad

Fagin: that son-er- boy is guilt

Dodger: guilt... I do not understand

Charley: HE HAS A HEART!

Dodger: WHAT! *fell his pulse* NUUUUUUU!

Nan-C: Erm I'm sorry to interrupt this totally out of of nowhere sub-ploy. BUT I'M A GIANT GREEN ALIEN AND YOY SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

Charley: OH YEH! WHY?!

Nan-C: *singing/talking kinda... look it up* Better wait a minute.

Ya better hold the phone.

Ya better mind your manners.

Better change your tone.

Don't you threaten me son.

You got a lot of gall.

We gonna do things my way.

Or we won't do things at all.

* singing* Ya don't know what you're messin' with.

You got no idea.

Ya don't know what you're lookin' at

When you're lookin' here.

Ya don't know what you're up against,

No, no way, no how.

You don't know what you're messin' with,

But I'm gonna tell you now!

Get this straight!

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space

and I'm bad.

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space

and it looks like you been had.

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,

So get off my back, 'n get out my face,

'Cause I'm mean and green

And I am bad.

Wanna save your skin boy?

You wanna save your hide?

You wanna see tomorrow? (Ha-Ha!)

You better step aside.

Better take a tip boy.

Want some good advice?

Ya better take it easy,

'Cause you're walkin' on thin ice.

Ya don't know what you're dealin' with.

No, you never did.

Ya don't know what you're lookin' at,

But that's tough titty, kid!

The Lion don't sleep tonight,

And if you pull his tail, he roars.

Ya say, "That ain't fair?"

Ya say, "That ain't nice?"

Ya know what I say? "Up yours!"

Watch me now!

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space

And I'm bad.

I'm just a mean green mother, a real disgrace,

And you've got me violent and mad.

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,

Gonna trash your ***! Gonna rock this place!

I'm mean and green,

And I am bad.

You know I don't come from no black lagoon.

I'm from past the stars and beyond the moon.

You can keep the thing,

Keep the it,

Keep the creature, they don't mean ****!

I got garden style, major moves.

I got the stuff, and I think that proves,

You better move it out! Nature calls!

You got the point? I'm gonna bust your balls!

Here it comes!

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space

And I'm bad.

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space

A real hard case. You can't beat this trouble, man.

I'm just a mean green mother from outer space

So just give it up. It's all over, ace.

I'm mean and green.

(Mean green mother from outer space.)

I'm mean and green.

(Mean green mother from outer space.)

I'm mean and green.

(Mean green mother from outer space.)

And I...am...bad!

All: ...

Charley: *grabs a sword and throws it at Nan-C, and injurs her... in some way*

Nan-C: HOW DEAR YE INJUR ME WHEN I AM SINGING! *vanishes in a bright light*

Dodger: is it over?

Fagin: No son- I mean boy Nan-C has merely retreated there will be more battles in our path... ANYWAY did you get the vest boy?

Charley: YUP it was my plan and I worked magnificently! Also I RULE!

Dodger: shut up charley. ANY WAY YEH! *point to oliver who is cowering in a corner rocking back and forth*

Oliver: *fast* there's no such thing as aliens. There's no such thins as aliens *repeated*

CHarley: *also rocking back and forth now* There's no such thing as carrots, there's no such thing as carrots. *repeat.. yeh he's messed up*

all: *stare at charley*

Batman: *swings in* By the way none of these characters belong to the authors. And nor do I.

Charley: who are you

Batman: *from being his cape* I'm Batman.

Fagin: why are you here

Batman: Because I'm batman *swings out*

all:...

Dodger:... Shut up charley

Charley: Wha-

**A/N: Yeah, we only put Nan-C in so she could sing that song but hey, she's an interesting plot point, and she WILL BE BACK. In the words of some guy somewhere, sometime; Hasta la vista baby.**


End file.
